MAR FUTURE

Affect

MOOD

Alas, for the day is fading, the evening shadows are stretching. Our being, like a cage full of birds, is filled with moans of captivity. And none among us knows how long it will last. The harvest season passed, the summer season came to an end, and we did not find deliverance. Like doves we cry for justice... and there is none. We wait for light and darkness reigns.

Rolling on the floor, now it hurts my back, but at least I’m not stuck in this cold chair. There is a carpet, a red one, it funnily matches my trousers which are made of a squared pattern fabric that resembles Christmas stuff. Or punk.
Punk is better. Christmas is a rotten...
If I keep rolling around I will be doing something different. I am now sitting on the floor, again sitting, cause it seem to be the only way possible to let this writing to happen.
Affect is that we can’t describe.
I am cold, it’s always cold in this room, I feel the cold limbs and remember that day we all started to move and had a co- llective moving exercise in this same room. We warmed up ourselves and each other, we collectively made blood to cir- culate faster and stronger. The red carpet hosted our blood in higher speed and we felt light at the end of the day. Moving towards synchronising blood speed on a red carpet. Right now, we are so absorbed by our computers and writing and my fingers feel active yet extremely cold and distant from that feeling of nurturing of collective blood circulation. The automatic writing I’m doing is meant to capture somet- hing that is by nature escaping me. Deep listening might be the answer. How to listen if I’m freezing?
The skin is good at listening to the weather, it has this capa- city to listen to that which the intellect cannot have access to (yet?), it reacts immediately to the relation between the inside the body, the inside weather, and the outside. My intellect instead is still banally trying to make something up from a colour connection, the red blood with the red carpet and the red trousers. And I thank my blood to be red, if it were blue, what would it do? My cold fingers become purple, there we go, getting blue. I keep freezing, I think the floor is colder. Science and birds and paragliding say the air organises itself in space by temperature, so the warmer air goes up and the colder air goes down. This also produces corrientes de aire,

air keeps moving according to the temperature, producing also wind. But I keep sitting on the floor, static on this posi- tion, freezing again in this colder air. I feel frozen inside, no leakage yet, no fluids coming out. Sealed, not letting the po- rous of the body to do their thing. It’s harsh out there, for some much more than for others. But if I go there, I will never came back. I’d like to use the word lurking. I have this feeling of a word that made sense when I heard it in the context that I heard it. And now it might make sense again, I want to lurk around. I want to be a lurker. Engaging deeper is a difficult movement, cause it would mean to engage in a system that does not let me lurk, and that would destroy me. Me and the other lurkers. I’m grateful for having forgotten about being cold for a moment, even though my hands are still blue. So if I think about it, I’m still freezing, of desperation... absence... frustration... disconnection... and the cold weather too.

Omid:

Losing coins to earn more coins

I have a few coins in my pocket but I’ve lost 60 cents when I had sex
Hopefully not 50 euros, as some people do
I had sex during the crisis while the rich were hiding themselves
Now who’s winning
Jokes on you top 1 percent
But I had sex and then I lost my coins
I didn’t lose them actually, I knew where they were, I just couldn’t collect them anymore
I was putting on my pants when my coins fell out of my pockets on the floor
Now they are at the girl’s room where the sex took place
But there’s only one problem among others
She moved out of that room
And that house I mean
So even that I know the address, if I go there no one will open the door for me
What If I’d tell them that I had sex there on July the 12th there, in the corner room with the yellow walls
The sun was shining and it was quite hot that day
We were swearing
No, I don’t think so
So then I have to talk to the girl
Maybe she knows about the coins
I can go to her new address
But there’s only a problem among others
I don’t know where she lives anymore
Also, I don’t know why she doesn’t answer my messages anymore
So I think she doesn’t want me to have my coins back
The sad thing was that I always had to run after meeting her
I always had to leave her place and run to work
For more coins
While losing coins

NOTES ON CLOSENESS

1. Closeness is a gradient, there is not a discrete boundary between what is close
and what isn’t. Closeness is not limited to interiors.
2. Closeness is mediated by senses. That beyond the sight is far. Light always
goes ahead, sound comes close after it. Through touch we can grasp that
within our bodily reach (inwards and outwards). Smells can travel very far
distances in time. Taste is homeland to immediate experience.
3. We experience in closeness. In the present, we sense strongly. Future is far:
we cannot envision it. We often long for that which is far, and we tend to
forget our closest story as it lays behind.
4. Technology perverts 2) —rather it extends it—. With time and space diluted, far
and close become an ubiquitous one, where/when viral happens
effortlessly.
5. The tighter the structure, the faster information flows among nodes.
6. It is easier to become aware of what is close. And it is easier to identify
ourselves with what we are aware of. Awareness unlocks affinity.

7. COVID-19 lockdowns have turned closeness inside out. With the outside
outlawed and closeness circumscribed to our most immediate boundaries,
the system has never been closer.
Elisa Cuesta (May-June 2020)

Lemon by Hollis Frampton
16mm, color, silent, 7 minutes, 1969

I’m on the verge of accepting my limitations and my mediocre being:

I feel often really anxious.
I feel anxious at home, at school, at work and just
everywhere.
I need to be around people.
I feel often alone.
I need to do a sport.
I wish to do something else like a work or a hobby.
I have 2 babies so they are not my age.
And that makes me feel more lonely.
I tend to talk more than normal because of this.
The chaos is not only in my house.
It’s inside my head too.
I can’t properly focus on one task.
I sleep.
I wake up.
Take a shower.
Clean the babies.
Bring them to the kindergarten.
And I often do anything.
It seems like my body is too heavy,
To stand from the sofa.
Then I forced myself to do something, which I never
finish.
Then everything start to pile up.
I don’t even see people that often to get a proper…

GRANDDAUGHTER


GRANDMOTHER (Alzheimer’s patient)
GRANDSON

[April 20, 2020. Lunch time]

GRANDDAUGHTER
Me alegro. / I’m glad you like it!.

GRANDMOTHER
Moriré. / I’m dying.

GRANDDAUGHTER
¡No mueres, no!. / No, You ain’t dying!.

GRANDMOTHER
Me iré al hoyo. / I’m going to “kick the bucket”.

GRANDSON
Vas a morir de lo rico que está?. / Are you dying because food is so good?.

GRANDMOTHER
De lo rico y de todo. Estoy muriéndome ya de vieja. / Because it’s good and because everything else. I’m dying of old age.

GRANDSON
No hombre no, pero hay que comer. Si comes no te mueres. / No “man”, but you have to eat. If you eat you won’t die.

GRANDMOTHER
Estoy comiendo todo. / I’m eating everything.

GRANDDAUGHTER
Coge otro poco… / Eat a bit more…

[repeat in loop 5 times]

click on the spirals

Mix this choreograph with this song. Repeat if experiencing anxiety or depression.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N72qLkFgVc8&ab_channel=GalletasCalientesRecords

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https://www.instagram.com/p/CF_814Ln_4Q/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
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